“Success has the face of the mother” Why motherly love shapes our lives

I have a strong mother.

A mother who changed countries again at the age of 60 to realize her life's dream.

The dream she's carried with her her entire life. A doer.

But I didn't think of her that way before.

It took a lot for me to feel my mother's love in the world.

And by that, I don't mean what she was actually like – but how I experienced her as a child.

I was well looked after. I lacked nothing physically.

And yet: the emotional connection, the feeling of real closeness, security, inner nourishment – that just wasn’t there.

My mom and I worked hard. On ourselves. Each of us on ourselves.

And I am infinitely grateful to her for developing with me.

That we have grown together.

“I don’t have an issue with my mother… do I?”

I've been saying this sentence to myself for a long time.

The past was in the past. She did her best. I was always taken care of. I can't ask for more. In a family, we help each other and support each other where there are gaps. That should be a given.

Then, after graduating from high school, I moved to Switzerland. Berlin became too confining for me. The journey to myself began.

There is a sentence by Bert Hellinger that still challenges me today:

“Success has the face of the mother.”

It touched me deeply—and irritated me. Because I thought: What does this have to do with my professional life? What does my mother have to do with my success?

At some point it became clear to me: There is something deeper at stake.

A feeling inside me.

An inner deficiency that kept creeping into my life.

A hole that couldn't be filled with performance, money, or recognition.

When lack is the foundation, when we do not carry within us a deep sense of being nourished, accepted, and “I am right,” then we often create our lives out of lack.

I'm talking about emotional deprivation here.

How else does it show? :

We cannot hold abundance

We constantly seek external recognition

We don't set healthy boundaries

We care about everyone – but not about ourselves

We burn out or fail again and again financially and emotionally.

Do you know that?

Only later, in the course of some constellations in family dynamics, did I realize that as a little girl I had already split off a part of myself.

Love was uncertain for me, and I preferred to take care of everyone else because that made me feel safe. That's how I defined my right to exist.

A child always loves their family uncompromisingly. At some point in their lives, anger, defiance, or something else might arise. But as small children, we think the world is right and the only one who needs to change something is the child. It doesn't matter if Mom and Dad drink, smoke, scream, are defenseless in their attention, don't believe us when we need it, etc.

In a constellation, I discovered myself at the age of 3, turning away from my mom and dad. I continued to experience this feeling until I was 30.

I relived it and made a new decision. I reclaimed that disconnected feeling. Now I was strong enough to endure it.

The effect?

Something changed in my relationship with myself and at the same time I received my first customer inquiry .

I was able to experience what it means to truly carry my mother in my heart – not just as an idea or memory, but as an inner source of strength and abundance.

But this required more than just a constellation. I began to sense what generations before me had experienced, and I understood: No woman before me had ever been able to shine in their light the way I can now. I am the first in my ancestral line, and if I now live happily, easily, and abundantly, then I am doing so on behalf of everyone!

Because: Our mothers themselves were often not gifted with this form of love.

They survived. They functioned. They gave what they could – in a world where feelings often had no place.

Our grandparents survived wars.

And many of them have tried to fill the inner holes with performance, control, or external security.

The opportunity of our generation

We live in a time today where we can break this chain.

But a decision is needed.

The decision to look.

To feel old emotions. To explore new paths.

And perhaps also: to pass on something different to our children.

Because the patterns and wounds that we don’t look at are passed on – through behavior, through language, through atmosphere.

Even through our epigenetic heritage.

Many people unconsciously repeat the fate of previous generations:

The bankruptcy of an ancestor. The emotional absence of a parent.

Or the feeling of guilt when they are better off than their parents.

Healing is possible.

Clarifying the relationship with the mother does not mean apportioning blame.

It means freeing yourself internally.

It means finally being able to accept and reclaim parts that we split off as children.

When I am complete inside, when I am satisfied inside, I no longer have to overeat, overexert myself, or give up.

Then I accept. That changes everything. Because then I take responsibility for myself. Not because I have to. But because I'm worth it.

💛

If you know the feeling of living from an inner lack – then you are not alone.

And you can make a difference.

From the inside out.

I support people in making these issues visible and healable – through systemic work, body awareness and inner connection.

If this calls to you, please feel free to contact me.